On Coming Into Rhythm With Myself And Trusting My Truest True
Homage to my Younger Free-Spirited Writer Yoga Self (I love you, I love you) And a Journaling Guide For You
"When you are in rhythm with your nature, nothing destructive can touch you. Providence is at one with you; it minds you and brings you to your new horizons. To be spiritual is to be in rhythm." John O’Donohue
It's drizzling where I am, with one grey patch of cloud above my head in a skyscape of azure blue, perfectly clear otherwise. I'm sitting by a marina on an olive-toned bench fixed with a sign "Family is Forever" and two daisies. The water gently laps at the edge of the rocky bay, making pleasant gurgles in their comings and goings. The occasional boat or jet ski whirs by with their motored staccato, interrupting the small pockets of peace I gather in between. Today is a day of harmony, slow pacing, and filling the cup. I'm adjusting my expectations of myself for my business and it feels tender and right, just noticing the spaciousness that remains beyond the vacillation of what to do and constant assessment of is it right.
It's funny, I pictured a life like this for myself months ago, and even after quitting my job in April I find that it’s only now beginning to find me. I wanted a life where I wasn’t constantly stressed at work or recovering from work — a life where I could enjoy poetry, homemaking, nourishing habits, breath, movement, and presence, where I could call on what historically has filled my time and attention. I have all of those things where I am today, and the gratitude moves beyond gratitude to an internal recognition. I feel like I used to when I had days full of yoga, writing, and children. This is a full and fulfilling life to me — creating, sharing, and being.
I’m calling this younger, alive self back to me. She read for hours every day, studied ancient texts, conducted rituals, and sought refuge in her body and community. She trusted herself implicitly and never thought of this relationship to herself as a brave act. It was simply what was most natural to her. From my vantage point now, I can only see her actions as extremely brave. She knew her compass so entirely that she had no other options but to move with her own arrow.
I don’t regret the effort and responsibilities that I have taken on in the last few years (a professional identity, a career, an actual 9-5 that wasn’t me working for myself or free-lancing); they have been necessary for my maturation and have given me a wider gaze of the world and where I fit. But the structure of where I enacted these responsibilities was always temporary, this game of paying my dues in the full-time work world working for someone else. I always knew it wasn’t for me but I knew I had to surrender myself to that test at the same time.
And now here I am, back at the most familiar part of the circle. This most native state of what do I want to create? What inspires? What is most true to me? My truest true?
I have always been this kind of dreamer but now I have stronger foundations under me and time-tested wisdom. I know who I am and that knowledge is the most satisfying adventure. I want my life to spill over with it — teaching, sharing, learning, nurturing, studying, writing, tending loving.
As writer, wife, and mother.
As healer, mentor, and friend.
My truest true.
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A Journaling Guide For Coming Into Rhythm:
Identify a part of yourself from your past that embodied internal rhythm and connection. Describe them — what mattered to them? What were they passionate about? What practices and people sustained them?
Consider honoring this part with a collage, finding pictures of this former self or pictures of what they cared about and assembling the pictures into something beautiful and authentic.
Connect with this part in the here and now — what would this part say about your current life? What would they ask you to embrace? What would they ask you to change?
Consider writing a gratitude letter to this part. Thank the part for its role in your life and for dialoguing with you.