how to deal with trauma when you're actively experiencing it </3

a guide for coping and moving beyond survival

Recently, I became a mother (it’s amazing!) and experienced some birth trauma (boo!). This experience reminded me of the need for effective practices to enhance trauma recovery. Usually when I write about trauma recovery on Substack and Instagram, I refer to complex trauma, or relationally traumatizing events that often occur in childhood. Experiencing something traumatizing as an adult clarified the necessity for a wider scope when talking about trauma and a wider range of tools for addressing it.

Not to get dark on you, but the likelihood that you will experience a traumatic event in your lifetime (if you haven't already) is extremely high.

Trauma, or what I define simply as anything that overwhelms your ability to cope, impacts your well being in key ways. It overwhelms the nervous system's ability to regulate, it impacts your emotional states and thinking patterns, and it shapes relational behaviors.

In short, trauma transforms how you see yourself and how you relate to the world around you. When it is not processed sufficiently, it can have long-term, lasting impacts on cognitive, emotional, and somatic structures.

Knowing how to effectively deal with trauma when it's fresh mitigates these impacts. As a therapist who specializes in trauma, I believe in therapy as a strong container for recovery. But therapy isn't the only tool. In fact, there is a plethora of evidence-based tools that can help you navigate trauma recovery without stepping foot in a therapist's office.

Save this post, remember these resources, and lock this list away: whether you're a helping professional who is in the field, someone going through something traumatic, or a loved one of someone who needs some support. Knowing how to cope is the first step toward coping.

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5 Ways To Cope With Trauma When You’re Actively Experiencing It

1. RESOURCE TO SAFETY

Do what you need to do to feel safe. This isn't the time to worry about appearances or responsibilities. You need to bring a felt sense of security back into the body and connecting with a safe person or going to a safe place is a simple way to achieve this. With my recent experience, this looked like clinging to my husband at the hospital. He was my advocate, my rock, and my main support. Having just one person to unwind with and process your emotions, even if they can't take the experience away or make it stop, can lighten the intensity of trauma and make taking necessary steps to recovery easier.

2. ENGAGE IN ACTIVE COPING STRATEGIES

Increase your locus of control, or anything that gives you a sense of having choices and options. Name your options out loud. Do something for yourself that says "I am getting through this." Affirm the times you said yes and the times you said no. After a difficult labor resulting in an unplanned C-section, I wanted nothing more than to get out of the hospital ASAP but I knew I was stuck there for a few days. What i did to feel less trapped was write personal affirmations on my phone and force myself to get up from the hospital bed and sit on the couch by the window. This not only helped my mental health and physical recovery, but it told my nervous system that I was actively doing something. Active coping balances the feeling states of powerlessness and fear that get activated by traumatizing events.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE PARTS & PROMISE THEM TIME TO PROCESS

Acknowledge the parts of you impacted by the event, which often speak in the language of emotion and somatic sensation. Parts holding the energy of trauma often are trapped in states of helplessness, terror, and shame. Helping these parts let go of these traumatized states in the moment that they are being traumatized by them is not always feasible, but validating how they feel and promising them time in the future can turn the dial down on the intensity temporarily. When i was experiencing the C-section prep and then the pains resulting from physically feeling the procedure, all I could say to these parts is "this is scary and really painful and we will deal with it later." I didn’t want to bypass my experience but there wasn't any room to pause with it. When we don't have space or time to process what we're going through because it is overwhelming us, it helps to acknowledge that it’s overwhelming, but will be connected with and processed out later.

4. LET THE BODY DISCHARGE & UNWIND

Your body has to unwind and release the physiological response that trauma initiated. Don't over complicate this essential step. It could look like applying heat via a shower, connecting with strong steps on a walk, taking deep breaths, or shaking or massaging muscle groups in the body still holding onto tension. I was running on so much adrenaline after my son’s birth that I struggled to sleep, kept shaking, and experienced tons of knots in my shoulders and back. Mobility was limited due to the C-section, but I was able to take some deep breaths and incorporate gentle movements with the tension. You can't out think a physiological response to trauma, but you can support it with movement and embodied practice.

5. CONNECT WITH RELATIONAL SUPPORTS

Connecting with supports is essential after a traumatic event. These supports can be a therapist, organizations, or community. Specialists and peer support help you address trauma with greater specificity to ensure that the experience gets processed out and integrated. When trauma happens trauma happens in the absence of an empathetic witness, which means that recovering from it, will require the presence of the missing relational ingredient. When I came home from the hospital, I had an IFS session with my long-standing coach and a postpartum session with my doula. This helped meet some connection and safety needs that got missed in the intensity of the experience. Swiftly connecting with supports after trauma helps you navigate its fall out so you can bring your internal system back into grounding balance.